We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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