Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
