i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize