i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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