What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
