Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
