There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize