Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He passed out mid-signature
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
