So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
