hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
