omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
