If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
