My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
