i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
