She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
