Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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