he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize