Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize