we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
