so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize