Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
