Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
