I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize