It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
