You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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