my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
