yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
