i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
