she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
