he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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