i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
