And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
