I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
