p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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