I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
