I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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