I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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