After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
