Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
