wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
