and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
