never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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