you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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