it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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