i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
