Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
