my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
