I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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