can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
