I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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