Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
