remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
