i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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