The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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