On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize