well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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