Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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