I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
