Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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