Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
