she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
