I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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