He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
