I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
