So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
