He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
