your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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